Boundaries

When I went a week or so ago to be retested for ADD/NVLD, the neuropsychologist who tested me introduced herself as Dr. X. It felt very strange. The one who had tested me in college I also called Dr. W, but that didn't feel weird. Some of it I think is the age difference. Dr. W is 20+ years older than me; I met her when I was younger and she is an expert in her field. Dr. X is my age, could be a little older or a little younger.

I've spent several years doing psychology research since I graduated college and didn't call anybody except for two particular individuals by their title "Dr." and even then we'd often go by first names. It made me feel uncomfortable. I felt as if she were demarkating the differences between us with the title. Part of it is I am not comfortable in the patient role; I want to feel a working partnership between equals and my expertise to be respected. At the same time, I acknowledge that she is more of an expert in this area than I am. I just felt as if the title made the relationship hierarchical rather than, hmm, I'm not sure what the word is. Rather than non-hierarchical? Rather than a relationship between equals I guess. I felt as if we were unequal partners.

How much of this is guided by physical appearances I don't know. Dr. W inspires confidence. She has visible markings that separate her from me. We're not peers in any sense. Her "bedside," I guess "chairside" manner is better. She's a little warmer, D. X was a little more New Englandy. As part of it, I think that some of it is Dr. W's greater experience and knowledge allows her to focus more on her interactions with her patients and less on what she is doing. Dr. X is still more task oriented.

I'm going to keep a lot of this in mind when I have patients independently. I'm not sure how I'll use it, but I know it will be important.