Last night, I went to see the play Confessions of a Mormon Boy. It is a one man show and the performer is also the author of the play; it is autobiographical. He describes his agonizing attempts for him to turn himself straight, the 'help' that he got from the Mormon Church, their referral to ex-gay therapists and help paying for them. He got married, having told his fiancee that he was struggling with homosexuality. Eventually his ability to 'remain straight' failed, he was excommunicated from the church, moved to NYC, became an escort (ie., prostitute), got involved with drugs, and eventually got clean of it all. The performance was phenomenal. Riveting the entire time. I think I can say that it was one of the best performances I've seen this year (I love student rush, when I have the time, I see as many plays as I can.)
I kept thinking the entire time about how much individual pain the Mormon Church and other conservative churches have caused. The amount of individual anguish that the belief that "homosexual acts are an abomination" has caused is overwhelming. When you are connected and have grown up within your church, synagogue, mosque, meeting, place of worship, and it is your entire life, having to reject it is heartbreaking. Thank God I grew up Quaker.
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Centering
Today I had trouble centering in church. None of it felt like worship to me. I think that I am still trying to determine how much church attenddance is right for me and how much is too much. Some of it may also be that I haven't had a real day off or chance to sleep in for weeks. I fell asleep last night at eleven, but still woke up reluctantly today around 9 and barely made it into the shower and out of the house in time for 10 am service.
I wish that there were a programmed Quaker meeting around here. Maybe I'll start attending Quaker meeting one day a month and the rest of the time UCC. That may give me the quiet worship that I need in small amounts.
I wish that there were a programmed Quaker meeting around here. Maybe I'll start attending Quaker meeting one day a month and the rest of the time UCC. That may give me the quiet worship that I need in small amounts.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
It makes me sick
"If Jesus was here tonight, I can guarantee you he'd want him terminated," said Pastor Ron Saunders of Largo's Lighthouse Baptist Church. "Make no mistake about it."
from http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2007/03/01/fla_official_fired_over_sex_change_plan/
This is why I have difficulties with so much of Christianity. Jesus who said to turn the other cheek, Jesus who walked with prostitutes and lepers, who sought out the lowest of the low in society at the time. I can guarantee you that Jesus would not want her "terminated." What is so scary about a transgendered person transitioning? Does the pastor who said that worry that he too will start questioning his gender? I wish I knew how to contact the person in Florida. I'd love to send a supportive e-mail.
My plan was to write about what a feeling of relief I had when, during church this morning, Molly the minister talked about miracles. We had heard the reading of Mark in which the woman come to his tomb to annoint his body and he is not there. Then it ends. She talked of how Mark is the biblical book written first and in that one, we don't see Christ resurrected in a physical body. That came later. She talked a lot more about miracles and the movement of the rock and how a miracle doesn't have to be God reaching out to move the rock away, but it could be an acceleration of a natural process, the ground thawing and shifting, a small earthquake. It felt so nice to be in a church where I don't have to give up my intellect to be a part of it.
from http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2007/03/01/fla_official_fired_over_sex_change_plan/
This is why I have difficulties with so much of Christianity. Jesus who said to turn the other cheek, Jesus who walked with prostitutes and lepers, who sought out the lowest of the low in society at the time. I can guarantee you that Jesus would not want her "terminated." What is so scary about a transgendered person transitioning? Does the pastor who said that worry that he too will start questioning his gender? I wish I knew how to contact the person in Florida. I'd love to send a supportive e-mail.
My plan was to write about what a feeling of relief I had when, during church this morning, Molly the minister talked about miracles. We had heard the reading of Mark in which the woman come to his tomb to annoint his body and he is not there. Then it ends. She talked of how Mark is the biblical book written first and in that one, we don't see Christ resurrected in a physical body. That came later. She talked a lot more about miracles and the movement of the rock and how a miracle doesn't have to be God reaching out to move the rock away, but it could be an acceleration of a natural process, the ground thawing and shifting, a small earthquake. It felt so nice to be in a church where I don't have to give up my intellect to be a part of it.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Easter
So it's Easter Eve. Tomorrow will be only the second time I've gone to Easter services in a church. I once went to a Catholic Easter Service with my best friend, but otherwise I've gone to meeting or not gone at all.
I've been trying to understand what I can about Jesus and accept what I can. After a lot of struggling, I've accepted that faiths outside my cultural tradition aren't right for me. I can conceptualize Jesus as fully human. And with that knowledge I can understand how he allowed himself to be taken and crucified. It almost seems as if it is something a teenager would do. The willful disregard that one's very life is at stake. Something will save me at the end.
It's a human fault- to conceptualize of a God that will interfere in day to day lives and that will change the world.
The second part is what I have trouble with. I accept that he is as divine as I am divine and most others are as well. Is he fully divine, more divine, separate from us, from the people living then? I don't know. He was certainly a better healer than I was, although I consider my family values better (leave your mother and father and follow me? I think not.)
Did he rise from the dead? No, he did not. But I know, after I've had a major loss, how I keep seeing that person across a crowded street or in every store window. Could the same thing have happened to the disciples? Certainly.
I've been trying to understand what I can about Jesus and accept what I can. After a lot of struggling, I've accepted that faiths outside my cultural tradition aren't right for me. I can conceptualize Jesus as fully human. And with that knowledge I can understand how he allowed himself to be taken and crucified. It almost seems as if it is something a teenager would do. The willful disregard that one's very life is at stake. Something will save me at the end.
It's a human fault- to conceptualize of a God that will interfere in day to day lives and that will change the world.
The second part is what I have trouble with. I accept that he is as divine as I am divine and most others are as well. Is he fully divine, more divine, separate from us, from the people living then? I don't know. He was certainly a better healer than I was, although I consider my family values better (leave your mother and father and follow me? I think not.)
Did he rise from the dead? No, he did not. But I know, after I've had a major loss, how I keep seeing that person across a crowded street or in every store window. Could the same thing have happened to the disciples? Certainly.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Good Friday
I've started going to a United Church of Christ near me. My criteria for a place of worship was that it must be actively gay friendly (not just tolerant), feminist, and not too centered around Jesus. This is the best I've found so far. I tried a UU church near me for a while, but I couldn't get around the lack of a God as the centerpiece. It felt weird/off. I often don't know if I believe in God, I think I'm more of an atheist/agnostic, but I still find comfort and insight from participating.
Growing up, I was raised Quaker. At my heart, I am Quaker. All the Quaker values and beliefs resonate strongly with me. But, the mode of worship does not. Part of me hopes that in later years I will be able to gain more from going to meeting, but right now it does not work.
The UCC church I am currently attending is mostly good; the congregation is incredibly friendly, the minister is funny and engaging and she makes me think. Looking around in the congregation I see young and old people, lots of babies, same and opposite sex couples, it feels right. But the emphasis on Jesus is still a little too strong for me. I'm hoping that that is partly because it has been Lent and now Easter.
The Good Friday Service was dramatic and moving. But still at the end of it I come down to my constant question. How can there be a good God who demands/requires/allows a crucifixation of his son in order for us to be saved? (Let's leave aside the matter that I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, salvation or damnation). I wonder, is it something that one must have grown up with to fully accept?
At times I don't even know what I get out of going to church. I don't identify as a Christian, although I am culturally. Part of it for me is the fact that I am constantly striving in my life to "do right." To make the right decision, to act properly, to think of others before myself. Trying to keep everything together feels overwhelming often. The idea that we cannot act right all the time, that we all fall short, that we are all together in this, is comforting. Being in a social community where a relatively diverse set of people come together every week makes me feel part of something larger than myself. And for now, I guess that is sufficient.
Growing up, I was raised Quaker. At my heart, I am Quaker. All the Quaker values and beliefs resonate strongly with me. But, the mode of worship does not. Part of me hopes that in later years I will be able to gain more from going to meeting, but right now it does not work.
The UCC church I am currently attending is mostly good; the congregation is incredibly friendly, the minister is funny and engaging and she makes me think. Looking around in the congregation I see young and old people, lots of babies, same and opposite sex couples, it feels right. But the emphasis on Jesus is still a little too strong for me. I'm hoping that that is partly because it has been Lent and now Easter.
The Good Friday Service was dramatic and moving. But still at the end of it I come down to my constant question. How can there be a good God who demands/requires/allows a crucifixation of his son in order for us to be saved? (Let's leave aside the matter that I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, salvation or damnation). I wonder, is it something that one must have grown up with to fully accept?
At times I don't even know what I get out of going to church. I don't identify as a Christian, although I am culturally. Part of it for me is the fact that I am constantly striving in my life to "do right." To make the right decision, to act properly, to think of others before myself. Trying to keep everything together feels overwhelming often. The idea that we cannot act right all the time, that we all fall short, that we are all together in this, is comforting. Being in a social community where a relatively diverse set of people come together every week makes me feel part of something larger than myself. And for now, I guess that is sufficient.
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